Coloring Outside the Lines
I’ve won many-a-coloring contest in my lifetime – just ask my friend Justin. As kids, we entered every contest at every grocery store in our small town, and it always came down to the two of us – I was first place, he was second.
Let’s just say I was really good at coloring inside the lines – and a very good rule-follower too. But these days it’s more like me to color outside the lines in order to create my own art and to design my own path. I have been striving to be unique in every possible way.
You might say I’ve become a bit of a renegade. (Read that line again, but this time read it with an English accent. That’s better.)
It started with my choice of partner – but then I painted my dining room pink. Crazy, right? You see, I lived on the straight and narrow street for a long time and I found that it didn’t make me as happy as I thought it would. I needed more color, more authenticity, more diversity and more hippie. I needed more patience and kindness, less hostile and bothered. I needed more quirky and sensitive, less shame and condescension.
So, I left. And I moved twice. Now my street is winding and wide. It’s even located at the end of a rainbow. My new neighborhood is more liberal and accepting than my old one – and it’s just a skip and a jump from downtown. My choice to move was made with intention and planning. Both times, I moved because it was the best decision for my family and for me. I admit though, that I haven’t always made decisions with my own best interest in mind.
In my search for intention and the analysis of that intention, I have come upon a discovery: sometimes I color outside the lines, not because I think it looks better, but because I just want to say “I can color wherever the fuck I want to color and no one will tell me differently.”
White Fences
Ever since my divorce, I have been trying like hell to over-correct all of that white-picket-fence-stuff. (You know what I’m talking about.) And yes, it’s one long-ass hyphenated word. It’s Pottery Barn’s view of the perfect holiday decor and a neatly organized closet, which make us believe that those things are actually important. It’s those materialistic dreams which always left me feeling disappointed. So now I work to make my own path, on my own terms. I have been decorating to please my own palette, not someone else’s.
Trying to be unique is cool and everything, but only if it’s done with the right intention. If I make a decision purely to impress someone else, it’s not really the best decision for me. I’ve also caught myself making decisions with the purpose of pleasing others, even when the decision has nothing to do with them. I’m not talking about the kindness and consideration necessary when a decision actually affects someone else, or when it affects the greater good. I’m talking about writing a blog with the hope that it will receive a certain response. I’m talking about shopping for a jacket and wondering if it will be complimented, or hoping that if I wear a certain brand I will be accepted and included.
In an effort to redirect my intention, I often consider this scenario: I have the opportunity to travel around the world, but no one is allowed to know about it and I am not allowed to post about it on social media – can I still enjoy it? Or this: I have the opportunity to give a large gift to someone I know, maybe a friend or a family member – can I do it without ever repeating a word of it?
The same goes if I’m making a decision in order to rebel or to prove someone wrong. When I make a decision to deliberately oppose the view of others, I am still allowing them to dictate my behavior. It’s like the teenager who gets a tattoo solely because he was told not to. Now, he must live with a tattoo that he chose in an altered state of mind, for the rest of his life. It’s the anti-vaxxer who chooses not to vaccinate simply because he doesn’t want to be told what to do.
I agree, it’s hard not to let emotions control our decisions – but when it’s important, practice taking a step back and ask yourself “why am I really making this decision or this purchase?” If you find that during the decision making process you are constantly thinking about how others will respond, it’s probably not a decision to be making at all. And this: the motivation for your decision may be a way of escaping something else that requires your attention. For instance, the need to impress others with your purchasing power may be a way of disguising other more important issues in your life. Or the constant need to cause controversy and maintain control may be signs of an unsettled soul.
If buying shit is the way you define your place in this world, you’re missing the mark.
Tara Gaffney
Rainbow Fences
Anonymity is the concept by which I am attempting to live my daily life. It helps me to stop the superficial cycle of social advancement and approval. I am trying to live my life without the consideration of how my decisions will impress or sway the opinions of others. When I shop, I try to imagine that no one I know will ever see my purchase – and I am trying to write without ever expecting notoriety. I am trying to exist without approval. And so it seems – that I will never be a social media influencer. Oh well.
This idea of the independent mindset might be radical for some, even mind-blowing. It can be uncomfortable, in the image-driven society we live in, to remove influential and materialistic goals from our decision making. It’s fun to live our very privileged, superficial lives to try to impress and out-do others – but there’s so much more to life. If you’re up for it, take a step towards self-actualization with me by accepting the challenging of living your life for you and no one else.
And yes, it’s okay if you actually like to color inside the lines. Sometimes I do too. Shit, I was a Catholic sorority girl for a long time and I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy a venti Starbucks on a regular basis. I also get Botox – but that’s a secret. I’m just saying that even my vanilla decisions are mine. I’m not pretending to boycott Starbucks when the idea is trending and I’m not going to lie when my face suddenly appears frozen. I make my own decisions, goddammit.
Ask yourself this: how many of your decisions and purchases are made in order to please, impress or piss off others? How often are you coloring inside the lines in order to win some sort of contest? This is not living by your own rules. Instead, it is allowing the unrealistic expectations of society to get in your head.
Keep coloring and painting. Keep writing and sharing, but do so without hoping for a reaction. Instead, focus on the energy your art will create, not the impression.
Blank Canvas
Unlike those coloring contests from the past, my life is a blank canvas. My path is not predetermined by the outline on a piece of paper – and I certainly don’t have to color within the lines of a giant pumpkin or an Easter egg. I can recreate my life every day if I want. I can refocus my energy and change directions whenever I feel like it. And I can certainly color outside the lines.
Color inside the lines or outside the lines; color your whole page black for all I care. Shit, I’ve colored my whole life pink. Just fill your canvas with art, not things. Fill it with energy, not influence.
Create more. Consume less.
If you travel the world solely to call yourself “well-traveled,” you’re missing the point of the trip.
Tara Gaffney
P.S. As a person who wants to be accepted and included, these are just a few of the things I have dealt with in my life – so like usual, not everyone will relate to what I have written. And I’m okay with that.