Follow Your Dreams
When I was younger, I had a dream. It was a good dream – traditional, but good: I would marry the perfect man and have lots of kids; we would buy a big house with a white picket fence; we’d host large holiday parties and dinners in our big house; our extended family and friends would visit often. But most of all, I would be happy forever and ever.
We never stop dreaming, us humans. We can’t help ourselves. It starts from the time we can form words and memories. Sometimes, as we start to dream, we also build expectations. And sometimes our expectations and dreams become blurred. When the dream becomes expected is when we think we can control it. This is what happened to me. After I did my best to control my destiny by getting married and having three kids, I expected the rest of my dream to fall into place – especially the happiness part.
I thought I could control the dream and the path to my dream by controlling my surroundings. I had to learn the hard way that I was never in charge – the dream was. There’s a reason they say “follow your dreams.” It does the leading – we do the following.
The Road Less Traveled
Unfortunately, I started to notice that my dream was taking a different path early in my marriage. The first clue was when the extended family didn’t want to visit as often as I had imagined. Apparently, our home wasn’t as peaceful and as joyful as I had hoped it would be. The second clue was when my gut started to ask me questions. Questions like: Why are you sad all the time? What’s missing? Why are holidays always so fucking stressful? But I didn’t want to accept that my dream was off course and that I couldn’t control it. I was in denial for years and years. I was determined to have my perfect life – even if it killed me. And it nearly did.
I had been fighting hard for the dream for a very long time, when I began to realize that I was actually fighting to control the path to my dream. I lost my way for a while, because I was determined to obey society’s rules in order to find happiness. I was caught up in the image and appearance of what I perceived to be the right way. It took a long time for me to accept that my path would not turn out the way I wanted it to – and that perhaps the fairy tale story wasn’t meant to be, for me. But I also realized I didn’t have to give up my dream. I could still find happiness, even if I took the road less traveled to get there.
Trust the Process
It wasn’t until I let go of the false expectations I set for myself that I was able allow the dream to guide me. I learned not to clutch the dream so hard in my hands – I let it go and let it lead me. I started to set my intention and recognize what I really wanted – happiness. That’s when I learned to listen to my gut – because that’s where the dream lives. I just wanted to be happy – and how I got there didn’t matter.
The dream of happiness lead me right out of my marriage. And I followed it – because it knows the way. This is why people do “crazy” things – they’re being led by their dreams. My dream also led me to this blog, and to self-expression. The dream-following happens when you let go of expectations and begin to listen to your inner voice. When you start to realize that it’s all you can think about: writing the book, buying the house, changing jobs, loving a new person – or getting divorced, that’s when you know. It’s terrifying – and exciting – at the same time. If you’ve ever had the experience of truly following your dream, there’s nothing like it – and I highly recommend it. I highly recommend liberation from the constraints of the “should’ve, could’ve and would’ve” – and from the fear. Don’t kid yourself – the fear is real.
This is what I know about fear: when you’re given the choice of facing fear to find happiness, or remaining safe by settling for mediocrity, you will choose the former only when the force of the Universe makes it so uncomfortable that you have no other choice but to take the fearful path.
Tara Gaffney
My dream knew all along how I would find it. Sometimes I think: if only I had been a better listener, long ago, I could have found my happiness sooner. But then again, I have to trust the process. The path revealed itself when I was ready to listen – and when I was prepared to face my fear.
The Power of the Dream
The way I’ve achieved my dream might look different than I had originally imagined, but the dream I had long ago hasn’t changed. I still dream of happiness – and yes, of a big house for big holiday gatherings. But I find peace in surrendering to what life has in store for me, instead of trying to control it. When I surrender, I’m able to listen better to what my gut is telling me – and to respond appropriately. Dreams are pretty clear when they want you to respond – as long as you’re ready and able to listen. They might be whispering to you now. Are you listening? Once you start to listen, it will start to pull you. And you’ll know, because the power will be so great that you won’t be able to ignore it.
When the pulling starts it’s important to stay in touch with your intention. Others will try to hold you back with their heartbreak and their “concern.” They’ll try to convince you that you’ll regret your decision or that it will never work. It can be confusing trying to follow the dream if you allow others to influence you. You may ask yourself if you should listen to your gut or listen to them. Remember, they may not understand that you have no other choice but to follow your dream – they won’t understand the power of the dream.
It turns out that my dream has taken me by the hand once again. This time, I’m moving – and moving in with my new love. I know it’s the dream leading me, because of the fear – and because of the excitement. I know it’s the natural progression of the dream, because everything is falling into place with very little effort. But this time, I know better how to listen. I know how to surrender to it. And I know to take comfort in the surrender. I can relax knowing that I’m not in charge – all I have to do is listen and respond.
Following your dream is not easy, but rest assured knowing that you’re not in control. Let the dream guide you. It knows the way – just follow it.
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Paulo Coelho