My Name is Tabitha
Hello, Tabitha here. Tara is taking a break from her blog to focus on other writing projects – and a new job too. I’ll be your guest blogger today. You’re welcome.
Maybe I should also mention that I am Tara’s alter ego. I’m the gay one. Tara is actually straight – hence the bisexual identity.
Let me start by explaining how I came into existence. Tara can be kinda vanilla; not that there’s anything wrong with being vanilla, but I believe everyone needs a little color in their lives. This is where I come in. Some people call me the opinionated, foul-mouthed, rebellious version of Tara.
I call myself a breath of fresh air from the rule-following, goody-two-shoes bit she’s been playing her whole life.
Tara would have been happy with the all-American, traditional lifestyle you see in the magazines and on TV, because that’s all she ever dreamed of. That was before I stepped in to shake things up. I showed her that connection and kindness in a relationship are more important than expectations and perfection. I showed her that what she really wants is something so much different than what she had.
I Am Her Voice
My job, as her alter-ego, is to challenge the ideals and expectations that were ingrained in her as a child, and encourage her to step outside of her comfort zone. I was born deep inside her belly, where all of those expectations and ideals developed. I take seriously my responsibility to show her that life doesn’t have to be rigid, but that it’s full of colorful adventure.
I’m the voice in her head saying “go for it.” And when she has a gut feeling that something needs to change, it’s actually me whispering words of encouragement to her. Sometimes, it means convincing her to do and say things that make her uncomfortable. I’m kinda like the devil on her shoulder, if you will.
Tara hasn’t known me very long – five years to be exact, but I’ve always been here. I used to be a smaller voice, because I was muffled by religion, rules and those pesky expectations. I’m not such a small voice anymore. And the more Tara listens to me, the bigger I get. I admit I haven’t always been the best influence on her.
The divorce was my idea.
I convinced her to do it. Okay fine, I forced her to do it. There were days when I begged her to leave and she tried to silence me, but I was persistent. When her doubts got loud, I got louder. Sometimes, I had to take to screaming to get her to listen to me. It wasn’t pretty, but it worked.
I Am Her Wild
Some of you may have met me before. I love to party. And I’m pretty comfortable in my social element. I was probably the one dominating the dance floor and barking orders at the DJ to play my music. Tara and I both love to dance, but I’m the one who pulls her up onto the bar – because dancing on the bar is so much more fun. Yeah, I talked her into the keg stand in her wedding dress too. That was fun.
You may have heard me spouting my opinions in social circles. I love to say the things Tara’s always wanted to say, and sometimes I take advantage of her having had a couple glasses of wine to get those things off her chest. More often than not, I leave her with a bit of a social hangover – and the need to send a bunch of apology texts the next day. She’s so self-conscious, geez. I wish she would just forgive herself more often – but that’s hard for a perfectionist.
The blog was my idea too.
This blog has been a good tool to get Tara to practice her recklessness and to listen to me. Sometimes I talk her into writing things I know will get her into trouble, but things that are necessary for her to say in order for her to grow. You see, I believe it’s good for her to stop caring so much about what people think and to call out the bullshit she sees. What better way to force personal growth than to share all the crazy thoughts we have?
In case you didn’t know this, Tara likes to play it safe and not ruffle feathers. She’s been doing that her whole life – until she met me. Ruffling feathers is my specialty. I’m trying to teach her that it’s okay to be disliked by a few. And I have succeeded. She’s still struggling to accept it, but I know she’ll get there in time.
Who Is Your Tabitha?
Everyone has a Tabitha inside of them. Have you met yours yet? Maybe her name is Gloria or Ruth or Rosa. Maybe she’s whispering to you right now. Chances are, she’s burning a hole in your belly waiting to be heard. If you quiet yourself, you’ll hear her. Better yet, give her some kindling and she’ll set your world on fire. We Tabithas are what revolutions are made of and how freedom is found. We are the female force living inside of you.
Don’t let anyone or anything muffle your inner voice. No person, expectation, religion or rule should quiet the change and the freedom you deserve. Wake up your Tabitha now. And start your own revolution.
That’s it for me. Tara should be back next time. And you guys, please go easy on her – none of this is her fault. Blame it on me.
My name is Tabitha.