Legacy – The Meaning of Life
I ran between the trolley tracks today, down to the cemetery – like I do sometimes. And I thought about death – like I do sometimes.
The cemetery is just a mile and a half from my house. Dirt roads that weave in and out of the graves feel good on my aging knees and hips. As I run past headstones of people who hold the names of streets, schools and parks in the area, I recognize thousands of years lived on this Earth. I imagine I am absorbing the wisdom and compassion left here for all of us to learn. Even if I didn’t know each of them personally and even if their name is not recognizable, I feel all of the energy that was created by life and is still here on Earth.
I recently read the most breathtaking description of the body’s death which described the physical feeling we have when we die. And it made sense to me. I was enlightened and relieved to find that it’s not usually unpleasant. It gave me peace to know that most likely, there is little suffering.
Finding an answer to the event of death, one that I can live with, calms me. But it still leaves the question about what happens after we die. To this question, I have developed an answer that makes sense to me. And with that statement I feel the need to state a disclaimer: I am not a theologian or a philosopher. I am just an observer of all things, people and energy. I am a thinker.
The Thinker
Even as a child, I began formulating an answer to the question about what happens after we die. I have always been a thinker. Born to two other thinkers, I was surrounded by shelves of books on the study of philosophy and constant talk of Nietzsche. A statue of The Thinker sat in our living room.
I understood the complexity of thought at an early age, even sometimes having anxiety knowing how deep my thought could go if I allowed it. This knowledge, combined with an overactive imagination, fueled my love of thought. I happened to be a bit obsessed with one question in particular. “What is the meaning of life?”
I was religious back then, but I knew it had to be more scientific than serving the Lord in order to get to heaven. It had to be more tangible and logical, I thought – because a thinker will never blindly follow any theory without asking, or at least wondering where the hell it’s going. It also had to be more than “our bodies just go back to the Earth.”
So after 50 years of thought, I have finally come up with an answer about what happens after we die. And more importantly, an answer to the meaning of life.
The Power of Energy
After we die, our energy* is released into the world – a rush of it at first, which occurs as our loved ones experience the event of our death. It is strongest during those early days and months because it is a combination of the energy from the one who is dying and the energy of the loved ones. Its power comes from all the people we have ever touched – and the force can be crippling.
*energy” can mean the love or even the negativity a person leaves behind.
When a person dies, there is an energy shift that occurs from the one who has died to the ones who are living. The energy must go somewhere, for it does not die with the person. This shift in energy is what creates the overwhelming emotion in the living. It goes without saying that when we lose a close family member, it is equivalent to losing part of ourselves. This is due to the direct connection to our own energy and because of the responsibility we have to hold the energy of the person who has died.
Energy remains alive in the living and is held by our loved ones when we pass. It “literally” lives on within the people we leave behind. (I try not to say that word very often, but in this case, it’s true – it’s not figurative at all.) In the years after our death and after the initial mourning period, the rush of energy tapers off. It reaches a plateau. This is when our legacy is revealed and therefore the meaning of our life revealed.
Ancestral Energy
While our own legacy is being formed during our lives, we are also carrying the legacies of our ancestors. It’s in our smile and in our eyes. It’s in our hugs and in our love. We carry the energy of those who have come before us, who have fought for us and who sacrificed for us.
Have you ever wondered why you can be brought to tears seeing a mother escaping a war torn country with a baby on her hip or the suffering of a tortured individual? The emotion we feel when we see the suffering of others, even if we have never experienced a similar situation ourselves, is the energy of those who have come before us. We carry the pain of our ancestors who have experienced that suffering. We carry the energy of those moments. This is what we call empathy.
The people who are more empathetic than others, carry the legacies of more suffering. Black and native Americans, descendants of holocaust survivors and others carry the most traumatic energy in their legacies – because their ancestors have suffered the most. The energy of that trauma still lives within those individuals to this day. It is inherited energy.
Carrying our ancestral energy and empathy comes with great responsibility. We must stay in tune with the empathy that their energy has created. It cannot be forgotten and must be passed on to others through stories and lessons. It is our responsibility to carry the legacy of our ancestors.
Energy once created is never destroyed.
Albert Einstein
It’s Spiritual and Physical
I try to see myself from the outside – the view that my kids have of me. My legacy is everything I do and everything I say. I am creating my own legacy every day.
It is intentional. By recognizing the things I’m good at, I focus on passing those things to my kids. I am emotionally intelligent. I am in tune with my energy and the energy of others. I am a good decision-maker. I am a very good mother and partner. It is these gifts that I leave for my family. This is my spiritual legacy.
My spiritual legacy is the love and kindness I give to those around me. It is my introspection, forgiveness, accountability and humility. My spiritual legacy is continually evolving. In a world full of negativity, I strive to be a source of positivity. I strive to be someone who is constantly working to be a better human through understanding and empathy.
Not only do I want to leave a spiritual presence long after I’m gone, I want my loved ones to experience my physical presence. My physical legacy are traces of me that touch all of their senses. I am a creature of habit which enhances my physical legacy. It’s not the family silver or diamond engagement ring I will pass on. Besides, I don’t own any silver and they probably don’t want the ring anyway. My physical legacy is more important than any one thing.
My scent is Egyptian oil. My sound, Fleetwood Mac. My radio station is NPR. My flower is the tulip. And my pumpkin muffin recipe is guaranteed to be around long after me. The blankets I have sewn and the hats I have crocheted will warm them for the rest of their lives. Every dog-treat-grease-stain, in every pocket of every jacket I own, will be a reminder from me to share kindness with strangers as well as friends for years to come. The documented stories in this blog and in my manuscripts will keep my voice alive. These are the physical things that will forever remind people of me.
My Legacy Lessons
When I look at my own legacy, it has many components: spiritual, physical and intellectual. My intellectual legacy includes the lessons I have learned (and some I am still learning). Here are the lessons I want to pass on:
- Be courteous to service workers, parents, grandparents and hosts. Always RSVP, don’t show up empty-handed, tip well.
- Apologize when you’re wrong and know the three components of a proper apology.
- Forgive others when they abide by those three components.
- Be kind and sweet, but don’t make either an excuse for not standing up for yourself or for not taking accountability.
- Being respectful does not mean you can’t be honest.
- Don’t hang up the phone or walk away from difficult conversations. Instead, sit with discomfort and seek to understand when you don’t hear what you want to hear.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt. But don’t be afraid to set boundaries with others, even with those you love.
- Be introspective and humble in the face of criticism. Check yourself regularly. Recognize ego in yourself and in others.
- Exercise your body and mind every day.
- Turn the knob when closing every door, even the doors of life – for there is no reason to make a loud noise when you exit. Just go quietly.
- Write, converse, share – all of your experiences and thoughts. Words are important. Use them freely, but with respect and consideration.
- Embrace queer people as your own, because we are.
Correcting Legacy
Inherited legacies can be a gift – or a burden. It is important to address the legacies we have inherited that are less than admirable. I cannot overstate the importance of correcting the negative legacies that have been passed on to us. Do not continue to feed the legacies of addiction, abuse, negativity, condescension and cruelty by passing that energy to others. Learn from those legacies that were given to you, but do not carry them. Correct them by turning them into something beautiful that you will pass on as your own legacy. Do not pass on the shitty legacies that others gave us. Those legacies are not yours anyway.
The negative legacies (and we all have them), are our weaknesses and our opportunities for growth. Just as it is our responsibility to learn from the mistakes of previous generations, so is it our responsibility to turn our weaknesses into lessons. I use my own indiscretions and regrets as worthwhile stories and actions so as not to pass them on to my loved ones.
Also worth noting are the unintended legacies we are leaving behind. Remember, if you are willing to trade compassion and understanding for your principles, your principles will win in the legacy fight. And if regularly being late is your trademark, that will define your legacy whether you want it to or not. But if being on time is more important than being kind, you will be remembered as an asshole.
Seeing unhealthy patterns in your family and deciding that those patterns end with you and will not be passed down to future generations, is an extremely brave & powerful decision.
Tiny Tot – TheMindsJournal
What is Your Legacy?
Your legacy is the meaning of your life. Do not squander it. Be aware of what you are leaving behind. It’s the energy you have created and the lessons you have shared. It’s the love you have spread and the lives you have touched. It’s the energy you have created in every action, every word, every smile and every day of your life. Even for those of us who may never have the fame or the means to be legendary, legacy is the way we find meaning in life.
It’s enough for you to do it once for a few [people] to remember you and they tell it to their children, and their children and grandchildren remember and, if it concerns books, they can read them. And if it’s good enough, it will last as long as there are human beings.
Ernest Hemingway
Dedication: This post is dedicated to my grandma, who passed away last month at the age of 98. Her fearless legacy of hard work, independence, tenacity and patience lives on within me. I hold it dear, just as I hold dear my memories of the time we had together. Her love was shown in the attention and lessons she shared with me. I pass these on to my kids. Her strength of spirit and faith will live on forever. I love you, Grandma. Your legacy is safe and alive within me.
What is your legacy?