Using Intuition to Make Tough Decisions

Tara/ February 13, 2021/ OLD STUFF

I have aspired to be the kind of person who listens well to her intuition. It makes me feel mature to say I have the ability to quiet my mind and tune in to what my spirit needs. I’ve also found that along with making a person seem wise, being in touch with your gut happens to be very helpful in navigating life’s tough decisions – the kind of decisions that change the course of your life.

Let’s play like “Pulp Fiction” and start at the end, shall we?

I decided to get divorced.

It was about five years ago – and to say it was a hard decision, is an understatement. It’s the kind of decision that requires, oh so much more than a gut feeling. And that’s why, as trendy as it is, using intuition to make hard decisions is just not very practical.

Yes, intuition played a part in my divorce, but that’s not all I used to make this very tough choice. I analyzed the consequences; I used logic and research; I tried to be considerate and empathetic; I read book after book. I listened to my intuition too and I’d like to say that I acted on it as soon as I heard it’s message – but that would be a lie. The impact was too great to make a quick decision, even if my intuition was screaming at me to pack my bags. I had to take time to hear all the voices in my head. And there were too many of them to listen to just one. No, I don’t have multiple-personality disorder; I have a multiple-priority life. What can I say, deciding to divorce was brutal.

And so it is – the problem with listening to your gut. It’s just not that simple.

This is what I know about intuition: it starts as a whisper – but to turn it into action, it must be followed by validation and analysis. Some of us need proof that what we’re hearing is actually what is best for us. And some of us need help hearing what our intuition is saying in the first place. I’ve found that only when the decision is critical that we take the time to hear it – but even then, when we don’t like what we hear, we delay. And that’s okay.

Delaying is the best first step in making an important decision.

Intuition is always present, in the back of our minds, telling us what to do – but sometimes hearing its message can be hard. Following through with it is even harder. I’ve learned that listening to your gut is not an easy practice to learn, mostly because of all the noise in our heads. Fine, in my head. (I don’t mean to project.) All I know is that it can get especially complicated when you hear two contradicting messages about which path you should take – two whispering voices saying “stay” – “no, go.”

I’ve used a couple tricks to tune in to my intuition, to clear up what I’m hearing and to separate outside influences. Here they are:

The first trick is to write down the two (or more) choices on paper; fold them up and put them in a hat; then draw one. No, I’m not suggesting that this is the choice you should make. Wouldn’t it be funny if I wrote a blog about how to make decisions that way? If only it were that easy. Instead, pay attention to how you feel when you read the one you chose. This method will reveal exactly what your intuition is saying. If you’re relieved at what’s written on the paper, that’s what the Universe wants for you. If you wish you had picked the other piece of paper, that’s also a message. This method can and should be repeated multiple times throughout the decision-making process in order to eliminate and smooth out your emotional response.

The second trick is to write down a vote for your choice at the end of every day for a month. Be honest with yourself in that moment each day as you vote. At the end of the month, tally your votes. I used this method to decide if I wanted a fourth baby. I had always told myself I wanted four kids and probably had romanticized the idea of a big family. During the decision-making process, I wrote down “yes” or “no” as a vote for how I was truly feeling. At the end of the month, there were only two days when I voted “yes” for another baby. It became clear to me that I was already stretched too thin with three young kids and a part-time job to add another baby to the mix. I won’t lie, it was difficult to see the truth on paper and to acknowledge that perhaps I needed to let go of the dream and of the expectation I had been carrying around for so long. If you had asked me if my intuition told me to have a fourth baby, I would have said “yes.” Clearly, I had confused expectation and intuition.

For me, the choice to divorce started early in my marriage and lasted for years. The apparent need for a decision came and went over the course of my marriage. (Yes, I threatened divorce a number of times.) What I realized is that those threats were my intuition and my effort to force change – change that I know now was impossible. It was during those times that the whisper turned into a scream – literally, lots of screaming. But I still didn’t listen. And I’m glad I didn’t. You see, although my intuition told me I needed to leave my marriage, other things told me I needed to stay. The kids were too young, the house was too valuable and the friends were too important.

So what good is intuition if we don’t do what it tells us to do? Intuition is only part of the decision-making process. For the really hard choices, those with the most severe consequences, it takes a number of additional things: logic, deliberation, intention, empathy and consideration. If you don’t take the time to examine all aspects of the outcome, you will most definitely be left with regret. Repeat after me, “that is no bueno.”

Your intuition isn’t the only way to make a critical decision, but it’s still incredibly important. This is why: it is the reason a decision is necessary in the first place. It’s the nagging – and without it we risk the other kind of regret – the one of lost opportunities. Intuition is the white flag and the stop sign. It is the signal that a decision is required or even crucial.

It is our job to first set our intention, listen to our intuition and then apply experience and deliberation in order to come to a final decision. Once you know what the Universe wants for you, it becomes imperative to decipher temporary enthusiasm from necessary change. And don’t forget to separate all of the additional factors that influence our decisions: money, other people, emotion and yes, hormones.

Just as I often do, I have stated the obvious – that making a hard decision is actually hard, and that choices are simply choosing one thing over another. It’s certainly not as romantic to realize that the Universe is not an illuminated image of a beautiful woman, holding a wand in a sky full of stars, magically placing spells on us to help us make the best decisions. It’s actually something that lives within us and guides us by presenting choices and the consequences of those choices.

Don’t worry, you trend-setters and trend-followers, it’s important to listen to your intuition – but intuition does not exist in a vacuum. We still have a responsibility to set intentions, to separate emotion from wisdom, to pause, delay, contemplate and to consider all angles of what is presented. Having the ability to apply analysis and logic in order to make an important decision is the best way to hear your intuition and to follow through with what the Universe truly wants for us – to live without regrets. Now, that’s the wise choice.

Even when you haven’t known any different, you still know when it should be better.
That’s intuition.